madclarinet (madclarinet) wrote,

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I really shouldn't take time off

Taking time off from work is good - but there is a couple of downsides.

Firstly - I know there will be a heck of a mess to clear up as you can't leave academics alone for long before they start breaking things. I've kept an eye on my email at work (but I am not answering any) - and I can already see at least 10 stupid things people have done. For saying that I will have been 'away' for a total of 3 work days (Monday was a Bank Holiday and the University give us Tuesday as well).

Sometimes I just wonder how some of these people survive - they seem to disagree and do stupid things quite a lot. I'm surprised I haven't strangled one yet, I have been close for sure and thats no joke - when I loose my temper I seriously loose my temper (but it does take a heck of a lot for me to do so). Some of them don't like my answers at times 'well, its your job, you're the academic'. The other line I could use would be worse 'you get paid a lot more than me so don't bother me with those problems. They aren't mine, they're yours'. The lowest possible full time lecturer gets more than me - so they won't get any sympathy from me. Well - there is a possibility of that changing. It could be a couple of months, or a few years (depending on how the business takes off). Hopefully I'll know more when I next meet up with one of my friends in a few days or so. Its interesting and I would be a fool not to take note of it.

The second thing is that when I have time off I get time to think - reflect one whats happened etc etc etc. Often, this can drop me into mild depression (almost, but not this time though) other times it just annoys the hell out of me. My head is currently stuck in a loop - I can't concentrate on tasks I want to do because of this damn loop. It seems so easy - just to cut myself off from some or all people. It would be useful in some respects, but not in others.

I wonder is the good outweighs the bad. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But often I wonder if I've made a whole set of bad decisions - what seemed to be a good decision at the time, now seems to be a bad one. A gamble, a risk - if you don't gamble you can fail, if you do, you can also fail. Not much help either way.

Ah well, laundry tomorrow I think, maybe if my bad shoulder and the bad wrist can cope with hacking a couple of branches off one of the fruit trees (weather allowing). Current outlook on that front is not good. Maybe I'll have enough energy (or keep my brain on task) to start/continue a couple of projects.

Then again - maybe I'll come off the painkillers for a few days and get completely drunk.
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